Although no one enjoys talking about it, or the thought that it is possible, infidelity does happen, and it can be extremely damaging in relationships. Without a serious commitment to repair, the damage that affairs can cause in marriages can be unrepairable. Although many marriages end in divorce without any infidelity, with the recent survey done in 2019 by Ashley Madison, finding St. Petersburg and Tampa, FL on the top 20 list for top cities for infidelity, it may be worth it to just know things to look for in your marriage for signs of infidelity (legally of course).
Apps That You Do Not Want to See on Your Spouses Phone
- Ashely Madison: And don’t assume that the App is just for men. AffairD is a similar App that allows for married partners to seek affairs.
- Dating Apps: Including- Hinge, Bumble, Tinder, The League, Seeking Arrangements, Coffee Meets Bagel, Zoosk, E-Harmony, Match, Plenty of Fish, OkCupid, SingleParentMeet, Happn, Hily, Ship, Raya, Grinder, Her, Clover, Kik, and more.
- WhatsApp: Although many people have this App, there are rarely any reasons for the necessity of it these days. Many times, they are used to connect with mistresses and paramours.
- Fake Calculator: This App looks like a Calculator on its face, but is really an App for hiding pictures.
- Vaulty Stocks: This has nothing to do with the Stock Market, and don’t let it fool you. If you see this on your spouse’s phone, consider asking them to show you the portfolios they are working on.
- Other ‘Vault’ Apps: Avira Vault, Secret Folder, and Signal are a few. Pretty much anything with the word “Vault” in it, is not there for innocent reasons.
- Tiger Texts: This App allows users to erase mischievous text messages almost instantaneously, so there is a smaller likelihood of getting caught.
- SlyDial: It allows someone to make a call with the guaranty that it goes straight to voicemail. Imagine calling your spouse, and they can prove they have called you back but it ‘kept going to voicemail’
Finding Signs of Cheating in Jointly Owned Accounts and Assets
- Digital E-Locks to Home: Check to see if your home’s digital lock is being triggered more than normal, or at times when your spouse claims to be at work, or busy.
- Home Camera and Security Systems: Check cameras and motion sensors but be mindful, many security software systems let you delete activity.
- Bank Accounts: Check for unusual spending, or duplicates on purchases, random cash withdrawals, higher invoices at restaurants you do not recognize or places that allow you to get cash back.
- Rewards Programs: Some reward programs allow you to buy gifts or redeem points. Look for hotel rooms or flights that were paid for with rewards points or frequent flyer miles.
- Phone Records: Look for phone calls that are long in duration or made at odd times. If a number looks unfamiliar, download a caller ID app on your phone to determine if it is something to worry about.
- Car GPS: Many cars today have a GPS detector in them. If you and your spouse both own the car, you can typically check the car’s location by accessing an App provided by the maker of the car.
- Browser History: This is so obvious, but so many people forget about it. Look in your computer’s browser history, or if there is a lack of history, that may be a sign. If you start seeing visits like OnlyFans, BackPage, Craigslist, or other suspicious activity, look into it more.
- Second Phones: Consider having a device in your home that allows you to pick up on Bluetooth devices, such as a TV, certain speaker sets, or other tech gadgets. Check to see if you are being billed for an extra phone line or question the need of a work phone. Many companies offer alternatives, so people can avoid having to have separate work phones.
- Unexplained Dips in Your Credit: Did a spouse attempt to open another account and not tell you about it? Request that you both look at your annual credit reports together to see if anything big has changed.
- Screen Time: Assuming that your spouse has given you access to their phone, you can check how they spend their screen time. In iPhones, you can finding this by viewing the battery usage in settings.
- Photo GPS Locator: If your spouse sends you a photo, there are apps that allow you to see exactly where the photo was taken. Consider aps like Koredoko or PoseNet. They are among many that seek to tell you where a picture was taken.
Watch Out for Signs of Changes in Behaviors
- Promiscuity: Most people assume cheating spouses withdraw from intimacy, when in reality, it is often the opposite. Usually they feel guilty, or sometimes they may even feel a new-found sense of
- New Looks: Is your spouse dressing different, trying out new hairstyles, or wearing a new scent? It may be a life crisis moment, but it also could be a sign they are looking for attention or trying to impress someone.
- Sleeping Patterns: Notice if sleeping patterns are changing and your spouse is staying up later or getting up earlier without sound justification.
- Leaving After Fights: We all need our space, but many unfaithful spouses pick fights to have an excuse to leave the home, usually to spend time with another person.
- Paranoia: People are usually very paranoid when they are cheating. Eventually it will catch up with everyone. If they begin to feel like normal chit-chat is a full-blown interrogation, there may be something they aren’t telling you.
People Are Getting Smarter
People and Software programs are getting smarter and smarter about concealing information or getting away with misconduct. Even LinkedIn has become a breeding ground for affairs. With messages so easy to delete on a variety of Apps, it can be a never-ending chase to actually get proof of an affair. People buy burner phones, get Google phone numbers, create secret social media accounts, and hide sketchy charges on business cards. People can hide purchases, delete e-receipts, and live two lives without a trace.
The Most Important Thing to Consider
These are some of the many legal ways that people can snoop out an unfaithful partner. The reality is though, you will never know what your spouse is up to all the time. For that reason, trust is everything in relationships. Chances are, if your instincts tell you that your spouse is up to something, and you have done plenty of self-reflection, and still feel that way, the relationship is likely in need of help anyway. In those situations, the most important thing to consider is what boundaries are necessary in your relationship, and what you are and are not willing to tolerate.
Nothing is more important in a relationship than trust and transparency. If you have questions about a high bar tab, or a questionable Facebook message, you should feel comfortable being able to ask your spouse about these things, and maybe even request assurance on unusual behaviors. There is almost nothing that cannot be worked through if both spouses are willing. And remember, if your spouse is cheating, do not question your sense of worth. Your partner’s infidelity says a lot more about who they are as a person than it does about you as a person.